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This Valentine’s Day, Ruth and Subash Chellaiah will be thanking God for bringing them together – despite pressure on Subash to have an arranged marriage instead.
It was USPG that first gave Ruth (then Hyslop) the opportunity to visit India, when she volunteered in 2002 to spend part of her gap year teaching crafts and English in Dornakal as part of the USPG/Methodist Experience Exchange Programme.
Illness brought that placement to a close prematurely, so the next year USPG found Ruth a job as an editor at the Henry Martyn Institute (HMI), a research centre in Hyderabad.
Ruth enjoyed the experience so much, she returned to HMI in 2006 as part of her MA in religious studies. It was at this time that she met Subash, who was working as a tsunami project officer for HMI.
Ruth recalled: ‘Subash was based at the institute for one week a month, and we would speak for that week. Each month he came, we got to know each other a little better. Our friendship developed and by November we were a couple.’
India has always played a big part in Ruth’s life. Her parents, both Anglican priests, helped to oversee Carlisle’s diocesan link with Madras, so, from the age of three, Ruth has been used to having visitors from the Church of South India staying in her home. She said her trips to India with USPG enhanced her love for the country.
Uphill struggle
But, although Ruth and Subash had found romance – making their relationship permanent was still an uphill struggle.
Subash, now working for USPG as the Link Officer for Asia and Oceania, recalled: ‘My parents were against our relationship. My older brother and sister had both had arranged marriages, and my parents wanted the same for me. I had to try and convince them otherwise because I wanted their blessing.
‘I thought the best thing would be for them to meet Ruth, but initially they refused to see her. The problem is that, in rural India, couples do not court in public or go on dates - and you certainly can’t bring a woman to your home; that never happens.
‘Even so, I told my parents that I wanted bring Ruth to meet them. I waited nearly a year until they agreed, but I had to hide her so the village couldn’t see what was happening. Ruth played along because it was only for one weekend.
‘Happily, the first time my parents saw Ruth they liked her. They were especially happy because Ruth is very attached to Indian culture and has the same commitment to help children as I do, which is an area we want to work in in the future. I think my parents could see we were a good match.’
Subash added: ‘I was praying that it would work out with Ruth. I think God spoke to my parents and brought us together.’
Ruth and Subash married in 2007 and welcomed the arrival of baby Suresh in January this year. Subash said: ‘When Suresh was born, we were all overjoyed – all my relatives, everyone. His arrival has really cemented my union with Ruth and our family ties.’
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Posted on 11.02.2010
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